One of my many gifts- amongst my writing, teaching, conservation work, philanthropic deeds etc- is politics. I am blessed with a mind for numbers and diplomacy. Having had some time between book tours and TED talks, I have put my mind to fixing the economy.
And I’ve triumphed.
Below is my plan for pulling the pound up by its pants and giving our proud nation the economic input it needs.
Making Parents Pay
Any expectant parent who uses the phrase ‘babymoon’ must pay an immediate £25 fine.
Party bags should be for adults only and include a reimbursement for parking and time lost.
All unsolicited parenting advice will be met with an on the spot £20 fine.
Every time someone uses a euphemisms for female genitalia they should have to put a pound in the kitty jar (not a euphemism)
‘Gin O’clock’, ‘five past wine’ or ‘pass me the vino!’ result in a fixed penalty notice.
Gender reveal parties, occasions, cakes or dramatic announcements of any form will be met with a £190 surcharge.
Each of the following hashtags come with a hefty tax: #blessed #famalam #mumlife #momlife #myworld
Anyone found trolling on Mumsnet will be shot at dawn. Spectators can buy tickets.
I look forward to your vote!