Birthdays Mum Style

The first sign you’re a parent who’s celebrating their birthday is that you’re up at 4am. Not because you’re crawling in to bed after a night on the lash, but because you’re toddler has some early AM whim (cuddle/milk/extra blanket). 

The next telltale sign is that no one gives a shit. Husbo did wish me a happy birthday and William did his best handwriting in a bday card but there were still PE kits to pack and teeth to brush. 

The next sign is you have to go to work. I marked the occasion by listening to the finale of S-Town on my commute. 

So good: it’s my gift to you.

The next sign that it’s your birthday and you’re at work is that YOU have to provide the cakes. Cakes at Break is a school tradition. Potentially galling that you have to bring the baked goods when it’s your bday but I love it because my classroom is nearest to the staff room so I’m quids in for most of the year. 

Another clear sign is that get the kids down in record time. TV. Bath. Book. Bed. Booooooze! 

If you’re still unclear if you’re a classic parent-on-their-birthday(PotB), you need to consider your evening activities. 


It’s the night of your birthday. Are you:

A) Working

B) Sorting lunch boxes

C) Eating pasta in front of Line of Duty

Congratulations! You’re a PotB!

You’re in good company

The final sure-fire sign is gifts. 

Here is a typical wish list of a 30-something mother:

1) The Scummy Mummies book ✔️

2) Selfish Mother Mama jumper ✔️

3) New gym wear ✔️

4) A weekend away without the kids✔️

I have helpfully ticked all the ones I’ve asked for and generously received. 

I realise I am assuming everyone else has ‘god hadn’t the year gone quickly?’ conversations over prosecco and a box set for their 30s and above birthdays but it may not be the case, of course. Can you let me know on insta, comments or Twitter if I’m the only one?!

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