A Guide to What’s Hot and What’s Not by someone who’s not been out since ’11

Dolly Hot

  • The Guilty Feminist podcasts

Download ’em. Hoot and guffaw. Smash the patriarchy 

  • The Laura Ashley catalogue. 

So hot. Esp when you read it in your dressing gown at 7.15pm. Yowch. 

  • The Gone series 

These books combine two of my guilty literary pleasures: teen fiction and Stephen King. Bosh. 

Alice Cooper Warm

  • New series of Homeland

Can’t work out if I’m enjoying it but quite fancy Quinn in the midst of a nervy b and I don’t like how uncomfortable that makes me feel. 

  • 9.15pm Curfew

A self-imposed ban on late nights: a necessary evil. Feel like a loser but don’t give two shits about being a winner if it means being tired in the AM. 

  • Hopes of Spring

There are daffs, but also 90mph wind. 

Trump Toupee Cold

  • Growth Spurt Hunger

Turned my  child from average to serial killer. Also blitzed my fridge and my patience. 

  • New Home Loneliness 

Missing my old neighbours and haven’t found my new tribe yet. Gonna have to put myself out there soon. Oh god, think I’m going to have to join the gym…

  • Not having internet

A world without wifi is a dark place. Which is ironic because what I miss most is watching The Walking Dead on Now TV which is about what goes wrong when the world is without wifi. Meta. 
JUST REREAD THIS LIST AND REALISED THAT I AM UNBELIEVABLY SHALLOW AND SHOULD BE ASHAMED AND YET AM NOT AND THAT JUST SHAMES ME MORE. Will write a political, profound and poignant version of this at a later date. It’ll use words like ‘mindfulness’ and show insights like ‘things are very bad’ and ‘I have mixed feelings about Jeremy Corbyn’. Wait on bated breath. 

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