Parenting Hacks: the early days

I went to NCT classes. I skim-read Gina Ford. I have a big sister. I am, therefore, fully qualified to impart my wisdom. 

Ditch the nappy bag

Bags that sling over your shoulder are wholly impractical when you are constantly bending over to pick up tantruming children, fold up buggies or stooping to get the good shit off the bottom shelf of the booze aisle. Those Yummy Mummy Cupcake Cute Heart bags of shoulder pain should be set on fire and replaced with a backpack. You will look like a nerdy year seven, but you will be flipping comfy. Thank you Kerry for this tip, BTW.

Your children won’t remember anything pre-three

Don’t take the newborn to baby music: take it to the pub. Whoever hasn’t shoved a kid out of their bits has to pay for the shandy and scampi fries. That’s what Mat leave is all about.

Post-work drinks. Or ‘baby signing’ if he asks

Bad habits are bollocks

My sister said ‘deal with breaking habits when you’ve got three days and enough energy’ and she was spot on.

Don’t criticise 

Let the partner do things their own way. If you criticise, they will stop doing it and then you’ll have to do the whole thing yourself and that’s shit. My friend Sally told me this in relation to marriage and it’s good advice.

Find your mum tribe

Make friends. Eat cake. Cry. Babysit for each other. If you’ve not found yours yet, go to

The women who made me (and various others who aren’t in the pic because they were too bloody tired to come out)
What tips do you have? Leave in the comments anything you did/do/wish you’d known 

2 thoughts on “Parenting Hacks: the early days

  1. Realising it’s ok that they don’t sleep. It’s normal. Ignore all the bollocks that ‘they should be sleeping by now’. Yes…thank you so much for informing me of that.

    Use your sure start centre. Some have brilliant FREE classes. Bonus!

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